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WORKINGTOGETHERFOREACHOTHERANDTHEENVIRONMENT
OurEnvironment,ifwetakecareofit,itwilltakecareofus.CFCsdestroyingtheozonelayer,hundredsofacresoftherainforestbeingdestroyeddaily,smog-infestedairtobreathe,globalwarming,worldpopulationincreasingatanexponentialrate,thesearebutafewofthethingsthatweneedtonotonlythinkabout,butfindwaystodealwiththem.Wearenotgiventhisworldbyourancestorsweareborrowingitfromourchildrenandourchildren’schildren.Wespendsomuchtimetryingtofixothercountriesproblems,whenweshouldbeincorporatingtheminworkingtowardsolvingtheenvironmentalissues.Ifwedonotthishuge,livingplanetwilleventuallybecomealifelesshunkofrockfloatinginthelargeuniverse.
Therearemanywaysthatwecanbegintoworkontheseproblems.FirstdecreasetheamountofCFCproductionandusage.Secondsavetherainforests,whicharebeingcutdowntomakefarmlandthatisnotproperlymaintained.Inafewyearsthisfarmlandbecomesinfertileandmorelandisneeded;thusmoreoftherainforestisdestroyed.Educatingfarmersondifferentcropsthatwillreplentishthesoilandkeepitfertile.Thirddevelopalterativemethodsofpowerotherthanfossilfuels,suchasmorehydro-electric,solar,andwindgenerated.Theincreasingpopulationisgoingtorequiremorefoodproductionaswellasotherneeds.Weneedtobewillingandabletomanageourresourcestomeettheseneeds.IfweworktogetherwecanaccomplishthethingsthatarenecessarytoprotecttheEarthandourfutureonit.
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Thisessaypresentsaclearpositionontheissuebutislimitedinitsdevelopment.Theauthorfirstarguesthateveryoneneedstocooperatetosolveenvironmentalproblemsandthenliststhewaysinwhich"wecanbegintoworkontheseproblems":loweringCFC’s,savingrainforests,developingalternativeenergysources,andincreasingfoodproduction.Althoughtheproposedsolutionsareclearlyrelevant,theyarenotsufficientlyexplained,noristhetopic’sclaimaboutthechallengesofinternationalcooperationadequatelyaddressed.
Theoverallorganizationalplanisadequate:introduction,listofsolutions("First????Second????Third????"),andaconclusion.Withintheessay,however,theideasarenotalwaysorganizedlogically.Inthefirstparagraph,forexample,thesentenceabout"ourancestors"isfollowedabruptlybytheideathatweneedtoworkwithothernations.Thewritercouldimprovethisessaybyclarifyingtheconnectionbetweenideasandbyexplainingtheseideasinmoredepth.
Sentence-structureproblems(run-onsentences,fragments,lackofparallelism)appearthroughouttheessay:"Wearenotgiventhisworldbyourancestorsweare????"Attimes,thesentencestructureissoawkwardthatthereaderissomewhatconfusedaboutthewriter’sintendedmeaning:forexample,"incorporatingtheminworking."
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